I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
