She is in my trunk
Quick, to the slutcave!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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