The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
