i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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