Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
