When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
