Are you still at the party or did I leave?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
