what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
