i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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