He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
