I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You smell like stripper and shame
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize