I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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