i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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