He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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