You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
