Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(862): View more from New Jersey

my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.

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(407): View more from Florida

Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...

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(562): View more from California

I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.

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(770): View more from Georgia

We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase

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(425): View more from Washington

It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.

(425): View more from Washington

Not including when spray tanning

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”

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(303): View more from Colorado

how did operation slutty penguin go?

(619): View more from California

pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter

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(647): View more from Ontario

Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

only i would get cock blocked by a cop

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