he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
