haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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