Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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