I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
