Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
