Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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