so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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