Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
