i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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