look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
