As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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