I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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