no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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