i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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