i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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