I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
