well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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