I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize