It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
