i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
