He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm just crazy horny about you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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