I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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