I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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