im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
sex in a hospital.. check
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
