Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
