Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
