he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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