I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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