Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
