I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
