So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
