I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
