they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Found the puke drawer
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
