She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My vagina just clenched in fear
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
