Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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