shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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