I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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