thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
