but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
