I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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