I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So much Jack, so little girl.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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