just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize