Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.

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(415): View more from California

She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me

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(636): View more from Missouri

A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.

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(812): View more from Indiana

he went at my nipples like a starved dog.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.

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(847): View more from Illinois

So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.

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