I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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