remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you traded sex for a burrito?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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