Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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