Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
