i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
