"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
