i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he was CRYING into my vagina
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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