there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
