So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
