I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's shark week go big or go home
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
