Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
