I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
